Fover 200 years, the United States of America has been THE premier destination for ambitious, future-oriented immigrants ready to build a new life. Whether they settled on the fruited plain or the purple mountains (noted for their majesty), smart immigrants have consistently voted with their feet to make the USA the leading brand among nations on the go, for people on the go. We've made "With liberty and justice for all" more than a pledge -- it's a unique and compelling market differentiator.

Now -- for the first time ever -- the USA has decided to award franchises to meet the tremendous demand for the benefits of living in this country. With 10 percent of Mexico now living in the USA and other countries on the verge of emptying out, the time is NOW to provide the high-value USA experience to the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Rather than endure the tedious legal process of becoming a resident, or living in the shadows as an illegal aliens, huddled masses worldwide can IMMEDIATELY enjoy the USA brand of lifestyle by becoming members of the FRANCHISE STATES OF AMERICA (TM).

This exciting new program, operated for the USA by DP World, offers a simple, time-tested approach that works for ambitious people who are serious about nation building. The Franchise States of America is the right choice for people who are ready for a turn-key solution that avoids the uncertainties of illegal emigration and the implementation headaches typical of violent mass revolutions in their native countries (e.g., genocidal slaughter, starvation, destruction of infrastructure, no broadband service, hyper-inflation, the inevitable Oliver Stone movie).

By becoming a Franchise State of America (TM), a country combines its existing resources with the building-blocks of the USA. The result is a dynamic fusion of what works in the USA and what works in the existing country.

Before we talk about the terms and what comes in the franchise kit, we want to outline the kind of country that will thrive as a Franchise State of America.

Who Excels as a Franchise State of America?

You know who you are. You're young, ready to build a new life in a new way. You've watched USA television and know you're ready for the big cars, big houses, big medical bills, and big hair of life here. You're tired of cowering in fear of the corrupt Maximum Leader and his well-armed thugs, and the ONE-party rule that's ruined your country for generations. You want to get a piece of the dynamic TWO-party approach of the USA, which doubles the political options you'll enjoy. And if you're gay or a woman or a Zoroastrian, you sure don't need us to tell you why to make the switch and breathe the sweet air of freedom. You're ready for an economy that generates jobs, jobs, jobs, and up for the challenge of career options that go beyond a) herding barnyard animals b) cultivating hallucinogenic crops c) serving in the security forces oppressing the foes of the Maximum Leader or d) sitting in charming streetside cafes, smoking cigarettes, wearing berets, and waiting for jihadists to complete their takeover of your beloved native land. Yes, you're pumped and ready for THE USA EXPERIENCE.

The Resources You Need to Get Up and Going Fast

By becoming a Franchise State of America (TM), you get outstanding startup resources, including:

1. A Bill of Rights
2. A new co-national language, English (provided with the totally awesome California accent, fer sure dude)
3. A new national flag, customized by famed designer Milton Glaser, to include elements of Old Glory and your current flag. It will appear on the reverse side of the standard Franchise States of America flag
4. Elegant Vera Wang-designed robes for justices on your new Supreme Court
5. New FSA currency, pegged one-to-one with the U.S. dollar and transferable to U.S. dollars after the required 10-year probationary franchise period. Currency can depict your choice of athletes, movie stars, and authors
6. Complementary subscriptions to People, Cosmopolitan, Highlights for Children, and U.S. News & World Report for the offices of your nation's doctors, faith healers, and entrail readers
7. Impressive ribbon-cutting ceremony to inaugurate your status as a Franchise State of America, featuring appearance by former President Bill Clinton (per terms of his contract, Clinton must be given a private introduction to your national Beauty Queen)
8. Intensive training in the Miranda Warning for your security forces
9. Automatic entry in the hot new Fox show, "Franchise States of American Idol"

One especially crucial part of the franchise kit, which sets the Franchise States of America apart from all competing products: our exceptionally detailed franchise operators' manuals. They outline from "soup to nuts" all critical processes in maintaining a smoothly functioning Franchise State, including: free and fair elections (your choice of paper or electronic ballots); formation of political parties (Ross Perot available for consultations); respect for free speech, free enterprise, free gift with purchase, and free to be you and me; national security; blueprints for tasteful memorials in case of breakdowns in national security; scripts for endless national debates on abortion, gay rights, the death penalty, Yankees vs. Red Sox, and Microsoft vs. Apple; laws to promote food safety, safe sex, tornado prevention, faster download speeds, outstanding late-night TV programming, a national newspaper that carries really good comics; and a robust stock market that guarantees 20 percent annual returns except in millenniums starting with the number "2."

Our Proven "Buddy System" Promotes Swift Implementation of Your Franchise State

We know that nation building is rewarding, but challenging -- especially when it involves system-wide changes to an economy, social norms, and even national sports. That's why we take great care to team you up with established members of the United States of America, veteran state-builders who can guide you every step of the way as you construct a thriving, attractive Franchise State of America. Through our exclusive Buddy System, you can be confident you'll get advice from people who have your best interests at heart.

For example, if your current country includes a corrupt political culture, ill-functioning schools, a hobbled economy, strong appeal to tourists, and a high percentage of citizens speaking French (e.g., France), then your Buddy Franchise State will be Louisiana.

If your region features a sparse but hardy population, lots of flat land, and is bitterly cold for much of the year (e.g., Siberia), then North Dakota is ready to roll up its sleeves and get to work as your Buddy Franchise State to make sure your Franchise State is a roaring success.

The Key to Success: Leveraging Your Existing Franchise-State Resources

Finally, you have a "secret weapon" in building your success as a Franchise State of America: you already have citizens skilled in the economic, political, social, sexual, technological, and gustatory strategies that make the USA so special: your fellow citizens already living here! Given the high rates of immigration to the USA in recent years, your country very possibly can benefit from an enormous amount of human capital developed in the USA. Illegal immigrants in the USA have developed critical skills from their time living in the shadows: construction, foodservice management, full-body shiatsu shampoo massage, horticulture, alternative pharmaceuticals marketing and distribution, and many more. Think of the impact of this human capital in your very own Franchise State! They can apply their knowledge in unlimited ways once your country builds an environment similar to the USA.

So, as part of your franchise agreement, you will clearly identify all citizens of your country living in the USA, as well as their place of employment. To standardize their employment experience and offer additional benefits, they will no longer be off-the-books underpaid aliens, living in uncertainty. Rather, they will be formalized as "summer interns" granted all the benefits and rights of this honorable and highly desired work status. Following the expiraton of their internships, these individuals will be strongly encouraged to take their skills (free resumes provided as part of the franchise agreement) and return to their country, where they can immediately begin to apply their USA-developed knowledge to enhance your country as it grows in its Franchise State of America status.

Get on the Bus to Liberty and Justice For All -- And that Means YOU

We are deeply honored that so many hundreds of millions of the tired, the poor, and tempest-toss'd are eager to live in the USA. More than anything, their efforts speak of the enduring brand strength of the USA, across decades and borders. The Franchise States of America program is our way of saying to the world -- you too can be part of this great experiment, right in the comfort of your own home country. Take the USA brand and make it your own; we'll show you how. Let's build something wonderful together. Call now -- operators are standing by.