Thanks for the link and for quoting me. I wish those things weren't true... Someday I'll find some one who thinks I'm just Jewish enough.

(Which makes me think of Goldilocks and the three Bears.)

The "Modern Love" column in the NYTimes Sunday Styles section, which should be renamed "Modern Dysfunction," or "Contemporary Angst," carries a similar theme today (2006-Oct-22), in a minor key, on a dark night.

Read it yourself and draw your own conclusion.

7. Jewish men who want a woman that goes to shul every week, don’t want a woman that goes to a Reform shul every week.

8. Jewish men that want a woman who goes to a Reform shul, don’t want a woman who goes to shul every week.

Before I met my wife, I thought I was in a very similar position -- not frum enough for orthodox women, too frum for non-orthodox women. But, you know, life has a way of making things work out. "Don't give up" is my advice.

You know, this post says something about Reform Judaism that I have been thinking for a long time. In many ways, I think Reform Judaism has lost its way. In large part it has become the fall back position for cultural Jews and stopped being a place for serious Jews who have a more progressive/modern/egalitarian/whatever-you-want-to-call-it outlook.

At least that's how it looks here in Southern California. A few months ago I went to my cousin's Bar Mitzvah and it was basically a 13th birthday party with a Jewish gloss. I grew up with what was supposedly an excellent Reform Jewish education and I had never even heard of the Philadelphia and Pittsburgh conferences until I was an adult and investigated things for myself.

It seems to me that Reform Judaism is trying so hard to be all things to all people, and to be accepting of whatever a person does, that it has forgotten it's own principles. And the result is that going to shul every week is actually an undesirable trait for a single Reform Jewish woman to have.

Jdate and Match brim with people who apologize for being Jewish. They're cultural Jews or spiritual Jews but never accuse them of being religious Jews. That's as bad as being a Republican. Their disdain for our Orthodox brethren is so strong that they will do anything to avoid being grouped with them.

One thing I've been working on to help my small corner of the Reform world, is a monthly program called Itza Mitzvah (if you are in Chicago, consider this a formal invitation.) We meet with our rabbi outside of shul and discuss one mitzvah a month. We kicked off with kashrut and next week we'll tackle shabbat.

As a convert to Judaism, I have a very different relationship to my movement than most born Jews. I chose Reform because it REALLY says, "You are an adult Jew, you have the responsibility to understand your religion and culture and then to decide for yourself what holds meaning to you." It was personal autonomy mixed with education.

But I've learned that this isn't the Reform reality for most members of the movement. It is more a default setting... but I'm working on my corner of the movement, cause that's what I can do.