1) PETA learns that the Mrs. Sherman’s fourth grade class is keeping Binky the Hamster in oppressive conditions, seizes hostages as bargaining chips when initial attempt to liberate school’s hamsters fails. (Children forgot to tell PETA activists that Binky nips when he’s feeling grouchy.)

2) Negotiations between custodian’s union and school board leaves floor getting polished only twice a month. A nearby buffer pad factory lays off workers, who become disgruntled and take over school, demanding a return to daily floor polishings.

3) Neighbors demanding end to late night marching band practice break into music room, destroy drums and cymbals* and threaten to do unspeakable things to trumpets unless demands are met. (*terrorists often think in cymbalic terms)

4) Small new age spiritualist sect, eager to show that they shouldn’t be so easily discounted as a source of crazed fundamentalists, phones in from remote Oregon retreat, claims to hold entire school “karmically hostage” until demands are understood.

5) Rancid leftovers and questionable cheese products break out of school kitchen storage facility, trap students and faculty in cafeteria. (This is a Chemical weapons scenario)

6) Rogue architects object to "conformist and formulaic" look of planned new library expansion, and for obscure reasons also demand free medical care to PETA activists previously mauled by Binky. They occupy the school and threaten to use the "less friendly end of the color palette" if their demands aren't met.

7) Angry Scientologists overrun the school, demanding reparations for something or other that happened in another galaxy, a million years or so ago. They announce that they will begin to confuse and bewilder the children with absurd theological theories plagiarised from old pulp science fiction books.

8) Appalled at being considered a factor in not one but two terror scenarios while doing nothing to earn the distinction, Binky breaks out of his cage, leads a revolt of the lab and pet animals, and barricades himself into the school nurse's office after gnawing several teachers to death. He takes PETA activists (still recovering there) as hostages.

9) Children outraged by adults “dumbing down” terror training scenarios, seize school themselves, threaten to blow it up if their demands for more realistic terrorists in training scenarios not met.

Ben