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November 26, 2008
Puritan Action Plan for Bail-Out Recipients: No, No, and NO
Citigroup is catching flak for having its name on the replacement for Shea Stadium, now dubbed Citi Field. Set to open the 2009 season, Citi Field shows exquisitely bad timing as a (mis)use of corporate assets. Two NY City Council members want to rename it "Citi/Taxpayer Field." Good idea! (Others have suggested Heimlich Field, because the Mets are always choking.)
Their renaming made me think about a Puritan Code of Conduct for corporations and their executives who are escaping self-inflicted destitution courtesy of tax payers. Yes, the Pilgrims had Thanksgiving, but I always associate the Puritans with stern behavior. So, to honor the spirit of the Puritans and their view of excess, I'm pleased to channel the jolly spirit of Oliver Cromwell and present this Puritan Action Plan for Bail-Out Recipients. Drawing on my first-hand observation of the excesses of corporate life, it will ensure that corporate chiefs will wisely spend their largess. As with any effective moral code, the Puritan Action Plan uses the word "no" many times.
1. NO stadium naming
2. NO corporate season-tickets plans (no matter how popular they are with bigwigs).
3. Corporate events can ONLY feature entertainers commonly heard on WFUV. That's the kind of corporate entertainment spending I can support.
4. NO corporate jets. Trips of 250 miles or under must be taken by Amtrak or bus. Longer trips and those involving passage over a body of water can be taken economy class on leading airlines. Join the common herd, guys.
5. Attendees at holiday parties are limited to one shrimp ONLY, and it must be a small shrimp.
6. NO motivational speakers. Getting a paycheck is motivation enough.
7. NO executive washrooms. The bosses have to mingle with the proles in their intimate moments. It builds character.
8. Off-site meetings must be held at YMCAs to encourage focus. NO meeting can be held at a facility that includes a golf course, tennis courts, cucumber eye treatments at spas, or snow-covered ski slopes.
9. Executives must make their full compensation and tax planning available for public viewing.
10. Each day will start with the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance at all offices worldwide.
Non-compliance with the Puritan Action Plan will result in immediate and non-negotiable loss of all taxpayer support.
Van | 11/26/08 at 06:40 AM | Categories: Domestic Politics
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