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March 17, 2009
Justice for Bernie: Waterboard Him, Over and Over
The Forward newspaper ran an article recently about possible punishments for Bernard Madoff. It says,
Life in prison is considered probable for Madoff, who pleaded guilty Thursday to 11 criminal charges. But that’s just for starters. How about toilet-cleaning duty in the slammer, a job as a Wal-Mart greeter or simply oblivion?
I found all these suggestions surprisingly pedestrian. I think Madoff should be treated for what he is: a terrorist who undermined the financial system of the United States, especially the Jewish community. In moral terms, he is no different than the worst of the lot at Gitmo.
Like Khalid Sheik Mohammed and others, Madoff has information that the government needs to know. In Madoff's case, we need to know how he pulled the scam off, who helped him and where the money went. It seems like he's not talking.
Fortunately, the U.S. government has ways of making Madoff talk. My idea: Put him in an orange jump suit and pack him off to Guantanamo Bay, where he can hang with his fellow Jew-haters, talk about their big scores and plan their efforts to hire pro-bono lawyers and get more of their rancid poetry published.
Given that Bernie is no doubt a physical and moral puffball, a quick round of waterboard bingo with an experienced interrogator should get him to crack faster than Aunt Goldie's piggy bank, which he probably raided. I have no qualms about using the technique on him, which he might consider an excellent form of penance. Shake every penny out of him, then get him back in the general population, which will revere him as the greatest cause of harm to Jews since . . . oh, you can imagine.
After Bernie spills the beans, occasional waterboard sessions might be good for his moral development, and good practice for newbie interrogators.
May he live to be 120!
Van | 03/17/09 at 10:43 PM | Categories: Doing Jewish
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